As you crack that door open again there is an uneasiness inside your stomach and it’s easy to default to negative thoughts and keep that eye out for the usual douche-bag things that can occur when we put ourselves out there. Why does it feel shitty now that you have cracked the door open again for possibly finding love?
It’s very easy to get caught up in what’s not going well while we put ourselves out there. Especially when the vulnerability of opening ourselves up again to the possibility of finding love feels very naked. Any little thing can make us want to slam that door shut again.
What’s causing your reactivity and disappointments across the entire dating process leaving you exhausted, frustrated, annoyed, ready to throw in the towel like every time you try?
It’s a simple answer. It’s your expectations of the process.
One of my recent Master Your Manfunnel Boot Camp grads posted something the other day that showed she has dropped the expectations in the dating process. She is at peace and enjoying the process. On a swipe app a cute guy she connected with said she was cute after she contacted him. It didn’t take two full exchanges before his text became extremely sexual.
She was not phased. She simply told him that was not what she wanted but what he had described was something that might sound good if she was in a relationship or at some point decided to take on lover! Her reply had no negative charge of emotion, disappointment, nor judgement. There was no anger. No resentment (at least not sensed from the conversation).
Wait till you hear what happens next.
When a woman can come across soft like this, magical things occur. She was going through the process. She didn’t get triggered. She didn’t get pissed. She just knew to expect these kinds of things as it comes with the territory when you’re putting yourself out there.
What she was doing was taking something away from each experience and conversation as part of the full process of finding her future husband Using each moment to reflect off of herself as a learning process. Then the magic happens. He completely opens up to her.
It turns out that this man is only using sex to lead the conversation because he does not feel he is worthy of love. He didn’t express it in this exact way but It’s obvious in the exchange after he shares his truth that this is the underlying reason. His previous comments were very racy and that’s not what she’s looking for at all online. But instead of ending this exchange in anger she felt she wanted to give him a hug. At the end of the day everyone just needs and wants love.
Try to take this into your heart as you go along your dating processes You will enjoy the process so much more if you can approach it all from a place of love and understanding and drop your expectations and judgements.
This might be hard to digest but the same shitty feeling you get when opening yourself up again is actually related to the receiving of the douche bag acts from the crappy men out there! Let me explain.
The less accustomed we are to the vulnerable act of opening ourselves up (this is due to many things for example, shame that we want love, embarrassment of the entire dating process are just two which come to mind) but an easier way of explaining it is that you have layers covering your heart and you aren’t aware of them or have any idea how to uncover them.
When we have layers on our heart which go unaddressed, it leads us to attract more than the usual level of bad experiences in our dating processes. That’s why it’s even harder for you than others out there in the dating stratosphere.
You’re unconsciously pulling undesirable experience toward you because when you give off the energy of being closed off or guarded you are way more of a SAFE option for a man who is unwilling or afraid to open up, himself.
The men are sensing your guardedness and therefore your pulling in the men who are also guarded. Love can’t occur when two hearts are covered in armor.
If you want to get steps and learn how to be able to remove the layers onto your heart to give off the kind of energy which pulls high quality men toward you for conversations online, dating and ultimately a powerful love with a high quality man, follow the link below and sign up for my newsletters.
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This will immediately help you undo any damaging behaviors in your dating processes so you can start having better luck today.
See you in Love!